heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
