quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
