I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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