I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
