His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
