The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We are two peas in an std pod
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
