Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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