he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
