I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
