idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
