Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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