It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
