I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am one with the molecules
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
