and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
