btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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