Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My life is pants optional.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
