his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
