got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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