thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
