I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
