Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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