he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
