guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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