Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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