I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
