wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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