Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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