Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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