I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
