So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
