What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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