carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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