I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
