Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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