maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
