Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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