the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
