you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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