i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
