i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
