Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
