So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
