Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
