I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
