You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Damn victory sex feels great
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
