I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Randomize
