things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
