I cannot find my penis.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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