I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
this just has baby written all over it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
