I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
