When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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