Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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