I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
