my mouth tastes like poor choices
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
