he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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