so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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